Why are all the heroins of stories tricked? And why are gyms so calculating and evil?!
I opened the door, ready for anything but I definitely, definitely wasn’t expecting this. Standing in front of me was the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Like he was actually made of marble and sunlight.
The beautiful man looked shocked to see me (probably for the opposite reason why I was shocked to see him) but then he smiled and OMG he was even more beautiful.
‘Hello, I’m James,’ he said.
‘Hello… James?’ I said finally breathing.
‘I guess you need a few more minutes to get ready?’
‘Get ready?’ I asked staring into at his eyes that were all blue and sparkly.
‘For your complimentary personal training session? You’re Sarah Sulaiman right? We have an appointment, the first of your three free sessions with Fast Fit Body Gyms.’
‘Is that today?!’ I yelled putting my hands up to my head, almost knocking my wig off.
Great Balls of Fuck! Was I talking to this gorgeous man while still wearing last night’s costume and make up, one eye lash missing, hung over and Lindsay Lohan meme looking. Should I faint right now?
‘Yeah it’s today,’ he chuckled, ‘I can wait here while you get ready. Not a problem.’
‘Oh right . . . I’m so sorry, just need a few minutes, I – yeah just a few minutes please -’
I closed the door behind me.
O-M-G. Why did I say I need a few minutes? I need days, weeks, months to get ready to match his gorgeousness. FUCK! He’s on the other side of the door and he’s my personal trainer!
The idea of doing any form of physical exercise right now is making me want to heave, but I was completely hypnotized by him. Fuck the gym! They sent him on purpose! They know his power, and its totally working.
James Personal Trainer Greek God:
You know that famous sculpture of David by Michelangelo. Imagine that body in shorts and a work out t-shirt but a face was like Zac Effron meets Ryan Gosling.
Blue eyes, straight teeth, brown hair, slight stubble. Gorgeoulous!
And that’s all you need to know really.
I ran into the house, pulled my wig off, threw it across my room, practically ripped that shitty costume off me, scrubbed my face, brushed the crap out of my teeth, dosed myself in deodorant and perfume, brushed my hair back in a high pony tail, got into my yoga gear and my never before worn Adidas sneakers shoved a cracker in my mouth, drank some water, almost threw up, felt the room spin and then made my way back to him.
‘Did you have a big night last night then?’ he asked smiling in the elevator.
I mumbled something along the lines of yeah not bad.
‘Don’t worry, I won’t be too harsh on you today,’ he said.
Oh no, please be as harsh as you want, I thought in my head.
When we got downstairs and out of the building, the weather was annoyingly pleasant. It was sunny and people were walking around like they weren’t hung over and felt like ass. Just me.
‘Right, why don’t you start telling me what your fitness goals are?’
Oh fuck. Are we actually going to do exercise?
I didn’t know what to say about my fitness goals because I didn’t want to point out the things in my body that I wasn’t secure about – to him anyway. I wanted to be like: yeah I’m just perfect – obviously! But it wasn’t obvious at all. So I mumbled something about wanting to have a generally fit lifestyle.
James got so excited about this and called it a ‘wonderful goal’. He was so happy and smiley, like an over excited puppy but not in an annoying way.
We crossed the road to the park and started with a few simple stretches. James would do them with me and it took all my will power not to stare at him while he stretched his muscles.
Then he’d walk around me and adjust my shoulders and arms when I was doing something wrong. OMG he smells good. I hope I don’t smell like last night – cigarettes, alcohol and wanna be stripper.
Then we stared jogging around the park, with James giving me instructions. Lift your knees higher, drop down touch the ground, go faster, go slower, do two lunges… OK WTF. How did he do this? I was running now and I think I’m going to die.
I know one thing for sure – there is nothing anyone could do to stop two people who want to sleep with each other to sleep with each other.
There were people all over the park, walking their dogs, families playing football, friends eating ice cream, couples having a picnic. I hate them all. Every time I slowed down James told me to go faster. There was something so unnatural about meeting someone who you pay to yell at you and the only reason you weren’t telling them to fuck off was because you feel it would be a bit rude.
The faster I ran, the grosser I felt. I was sweating, my chest was aching and all I could think about was last night. Maybe if I ran faster I’d get so tired that I wouldn’t see Omar anymore in my head. I had to obliterate him out of myself.
I ran faster and started feeling sicker. James was running backwards facing me. His face was a nice distraction, but I don’t think he was good looking enough to make me forget what happened last night.
I closed my eyes and could hear Gimmie More by Britney, then I could see that weirdo in the Phantom of the Opera mask staring at me, then in the crowd, Omar was there telling me he missed me. Then I saw Camille riding him.
‘I – can’t – do – this-’ I said and slowed down.
‘Yeah you can! Come one Sarah, one more lap – just one more!’
I couldn’t breath. My hands were on my knees. James was jogging where he stood and kept encouraging me to keep going. I stood up and took a few steps back. He jogged over to me all enthusiastic like and even though he was super hot, all I wanted to do was punch him in the face.
‘No,’ I said and put my palm on his forehead to stop him while I caught my breath.
Then I slowly crouched down like I was melting and lay on my back on the grass, trying to catch my breath.
‘Take all the time you need,’ James said in a silky smooth voice and lay next to me, ‘let’s just stretch our legs while we lay here. Just stretch your legs like this and make sure that…’
I stopped listening to him. My arms were over my face shielding me from the beauty of the day. Even though I could feel the hot sun on my bod-ay and the sounds of people having a nice not hung over Friday morning, all I could focus on was my labored breathing and my insecurities gnawing at me like a bunch of wild dogs fighting over a piece of worthless bone.
It was like I was Dorothy Gail in the Wizard of OZ. I was literally stuck in another world where nothing made sense. My emotions were all upside down, I keep meeting guys that I’m not interested in, everything around me is sunny and beautiful and all I can think about is baking a perfect pistachio cake.
Dorothy was heading toward the Emerald City to find the Wizard of Oz to take her back home – I’m already in an Emerald city but I don’t know what wizard I’m supposed to find and I don’t know what I need to get better.
And anyway, the Wizard of Oz turned out to be a fraud. The more I think about it, the more I realize that Omar is probably my Wizard of Oz. I thought he was going to be my savior, the person who was going to take me where I needed to be. But just like the Wizard of Oz, it was all a big fat, fucking, lie.
When me and Omar got together, we were obsessed with each other. We spent every day, every weekend and eventually every night (behind my parents back) together. He told me he loved me first and I said it right back after a few weeks of dating. He made an effort to get into the TV programs I liked, (Greys Anatomy, Sex and the City, Gossip Girl, Friends) and I made the effort to get into his stuff too (football, EDM music, poker and other boring shit). We were so perfect it was gross.
It was all so good and perfect at first. But then slowly he would do things and I didn’t even realize he was doing them. I knew they were weird but at the same time I thought he was doing them because he loved me. And sometimes now, when I rationalize them I think, yeah he did those things because he loved me – RIGHT?
Things Omar said because he “Loved Me”:
Why are you wearing that? Guys will get the wrong idea.
Why don’t you wear this? It will make people look at you when you’re with me.
Do you really want to be a lawyer? Once we’re married I don’t think I want you to work.
Don’t cut your hair shorter than that. I think you look better with longer hair.
Your arms don’t feel smooth today.
I don’t want you to go out tonight. Why are you drinking?
Why are you going home so early? Stay out with me, let’s get drunk.
I hate it how other people look at you when we are out.
You’re too skinny you should eat more.
I’m sorry I’m so fucking insecure when I’m around you, it’s like you’re too good for me.
I promise I’ll take really good care of you.
Oh, I saw all right. I know you’re probably thinking that I’m a complete and total idiot to stay with someone who would say some of those things. And sometimes even act on them. But, they didn’t come all at once. They were drip-fed and he said them when it sort of made sense at the time . . . And also, I was in love with him. And Omar knew it.
He was like a ninja, an emotional ninja terrorist. He knew what insecurity to poke at with a joke or an off the cuff comment and I fell for it – every, single, time. Or he’d make his insecurities so obvious that I thought it was sweet that he was vulnerable to me, that he trusted me with his secrets. It didn’t matter that so much of what he said was filled with contradictions. For me it was all about love, for him it was all about control.
Every time we fleshed out our fights it all circled around to the fact that he loved me so much and that was the reason he said what he said or did what he did. And I believed it.
I still believe it. It’s fucking crazy. He loved me so much that he didn’t know what to do with himself. I got it, I accepted it, all of it. And although I’ve wracked my brain, I’ve thought about every possible angle, I can’t fathom why he did what he did at the end. Every time I remember how she made him moan I want to die.
I opened my eyes and turned to my right. James is on his back next to me, knee to his chest smiling up at the sky and stretching.
‘James, I’m sorry, but I think I’m done.’
‘Oh yeah? I thought so, I told you I wouldn’t be too hard on you today. We can pick up where we left off next time.’
‘OK thanks…’ I said my breathing slowing down finally.
‘But we can lay here for a bit. It’s nice isn’t it? The sky and everything. We can just lay here and relax,’ James said smiling to himself and looking up.
Eventually we got up and walked back across the road planning another session for the same time next week. I stared at him when he walked away. He was gorgeous from every angle. But still, there wasn’t much happening in my head, heart or in my kus. I felt nothing except regret that I agreed to go to this stupid brunch today.
When I got back to my flat, surprisingly I felt a lot better. Must be the endorphins or whatever from running. Don’t get me wrong though, I’d sill rather stay in bed.
I showered, washed my hair, straightened it then did that whole loose tressels thing (split in the middle, which actually really suits me). I wore a white wrap dress WITH pockets. I seriously love dresses with pockets, they’ve become a prerequisite for me now. I was kind of excited, at least to wear my new Valentino flats. I love fancy looking flats as much as I love dresses with pockets.
My make up was minimal, but I tried this new thing where I took a bit of my peach lipstick and used it as a highlight on my cheeks (just a little). It made my face all dewy. I also had a leopard shawl that I decided to take with me in case it got cold. Anyway, given how crappy I felt inside, physically and emotionally, I looked pretty good. And sometimes that helps – a lot.
Dana and Rania picked me up at 12. As soon as I got in the car we all started talking at the same time.
‘What is he doing here?’
‘How dare he talk to you?’
‘Ahmed went mental almost punched him in the face.’
‘Where is Ahmed?’
‘He got called into work and might come later.’
‘Listen after you left, I did a little bit of digging around and here’s what I found out – Omar is here with Danny. They are staying at Danny’s dad’s house and they came for a holiday. Omar wants to talk to you – he begged me after you left to talk to you to convince you to talk to him. He looked pretty desperate,’ Rania said in one breath as Dana drove like a maniac.
‘OK . . .’ I said thinking, ‘I don’t think I should talk to him, right?’
‘Do you feel strong enough for it?’ Rania asked.
‘Not really,’ I said.
‘I think you should talk to him,’ Dana said.
‘WHAT?’ Rania and I both said.
I can’t believe Dana. We’ve been begging her to talk to Kareem for ages and she won’t even consider it and yet she expects me to talk to Omar?!
‘I think you should talk to him so you can watch him grovel. Listen to his million bullshit apologies and then fucking laugh at his face. And then at the end you can be like, Thank You, Next! By the way have you heard Ariana Grande’s new song?’
‘OMG SO GOOD!’ I screamed.
It’s a really good song and is pretty much my life – sort of, kind of, not really but you know, I like to imagine it is. That’s what I wish I can say to Omar actually, just like Ariana Grande does in her song – Thank You, Next.
‘I think Dana is right actually,’ Rania said, ‘if you’re up for it and he contacts you again, I think you should talk to him not to hear him out because obviously getting back together with him is out of the question, right?’
‘Right . . .’ I said.
I wondered if they both felt my hesitation? If they did, they didn’t say anything.
‘So, you should talk to him, just to get some satisfaction or closure on what a piece of shit he is and know that you did the right thing by walking away.’
‘Yeah,’ Dana said, ‘this can be like your light bulb, realization moment, when he starts talking and begging for forgiveness for cheating on you with… that . . .’
‘Let’s not talk about her –‘ Rania said
‘Fine,’ Dana said.
I could tell Dana was holding in the urge to swear, and call my ex best friend a slut, a whore, a filthy bitch all words I’ve heard her use before when it comes to this specific person. Dana and She Who Shall Not Be Named never got on.
‘Anyway,’ Dana said doing an aggressive you turn, ‘when you hear him talk, you might realize what an ugly disgusting, desperate piece of shit he is and you can let go of the past and move on to bigger and better things – like Faisal.’
‘Oh yeah, Faisal,’ Rania said, ‘he seemed really into you last night.’
‘If by into me you mean he kept trying to get me drunk,’ I said, ‘I’m still so hung over, we are getting too old for this shit.’
‘Don’t say that!’ Dana said, ‘we are never too old. And also, Faisal is into you, he told Hisham who told me, that he thinks you’re cool and wants to take you out on a date.’
‘I don’t know…’ I said.
‘Think about it. Maybe we can all hang out again and you can see how you feel,’ Dana said, ‘like maybe right now at brunch…’
‘Dana! You invited them!?’ I yelled.
‘They practically invited themselves,’ Dana said, ‘Ask Rania.’
‘They did and to be fair Faisal seems really into you,’ Rania said, ‘look don’t worry, some of my friends are coming so there will be loads of people to talk to if you don’t feel like talking to Faisal the whole time. Just be friendly with him. There’s no actual expectation to go out with him and who knows, maybe after you talk to Omar, you’ll feel better about the idea of going out on dates again and there will be Faisal, all ready for you.’
‘Fine, but I’m not drinking today I’m still recovering from last night,’ I said.
‘Actually, you look good for being hung over,’ Rania said.
‘Yea bitch,’ Dana said, ‘what did you do?’
‘Nothing… oh maybe cause I went for a run this morning? This personal trainer showed up to my house – OMG I have to tell you about him actually!’
As Dana pulled up to the Hilton Double Tree hotel, I explained to them in extreme fucking detail the gorgeousness of James the Personal Trainer.
‘I’m not really into vanilla,’ Dana said, ‘but he does sound hot.’
‘What’s wrong with vanilla?’ Rania mumbled in the back seat.
‘Listen,’ Dana said not hearing Rania, ‘once you talk to Omar, this James guy is another option for you to flirt with or date or whatever. The more the merrier, you’re open for business again.’
‘Am I though?’ I asked.
‘Uh Sarah,’ Dana groaned as she pulled up in front of the valet guy, ‘stop being so in your head and sounding like some bitch form a fucking Hallmark movie – just loosen up and have fun, like when you were a stripper last night, be like that – be a fucking stripper on a pole. Yallah let’s go.’
When we got to the STK, this new fancy restaurant that apparently has amazing brunches, it was full of people. Everyone was already drinking and there were rows of open buffet platters. I wasn’t really hungry but I’d probably have plate or two. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to find a corner with Rania and eat and gossip while Dana got drunk.
There is so much to unpack from her bitch ass mouth I don’t even know where to start.
Dana had booked three full tables and most of the people who were out with us the night before at Miss Lilly’s were here. They cheered for us when we walked up to the table. That Hisham guy gave Dana big hug, held her from her waist and kissed her on each cheek. Poor Kareem. It would break his heart if he saw this.
‘Hello Sarah, you disappeared last night.’
It was Faisal. Seeing him without his Captain Sparrow costume, I realized that he was much better looking than I remembered. Very tanned with a well-kept thick beard and nice prominent nose. And that half Arab, half British accent is pretty sexy.
‘Yeah, I didn’t feel so good sorry,’ I said and smiled.
‘Are you feeling better today?’ he asked looking concerned.
‘I’m OK,’ I said.
‘Well please have a seat, I would love to make you a plate of food or maybe order you some drinks? What would you like?’
‘I’m fine I-‘
‘Excuse me,’ he called to a waiter walking past us, ‘Can we have jug of sangria please?’
‘Oh no, I’m not drinking,’ I said.
‘Are you sure? OK, what would you like?’
I ordered a fresh orange juice and sat down. Faisal sat next to me and started talking. He had really nice hands I noticed, very well-manicured and tanned. He spoke about his work, his family business and studying both in the UK and the US and his hobbies like skydiving, dune riding, motorcycles and horse riding, he asked me what I was into.
‘Watching videos of people falling over on YouTube, you know, stuff like that.’
He erupted in laughter. Twenty minutes later he excused himself when Hisham called him over to get into some group photos. He asked me to join and I said I was fine. I checked my phone when he left and saw that Amal messaged me.
‘Hey, why aren’t you replying to my messages about the wedding? Bibi said she talked to you this morning and that you had your period and that you sounded bad. Are you OK? Or did you lie to her? If this wedding stuff is all getting too much for you let me know – message me back bitch. Love you.’
God, I really am a bitch. Amal is the best sister ever. I can’t believe I’ve been ignoring her messages about the wedding. I’ll respond after brunch with something really nice to say and I’ll help her with whatever she needs.
‘I need to talk to you,’ Rania said sitting next to me.
‘What’s up?’ I asked.
‘I didn’t want to say this in front of Dana cause I don’t know if she’ll understand since she’s really into using guys for fun at the moment to forget about Kareem . . .’ Rania said looking around all paranoid.
‘Understand what? Are you OK?’ I asked.
‘I’m fine… it’s just that I like this guy. Like seriously like him.’
This was shocking. Rania, doesn’t like guys, ever. She never goes on dates. She’s just not interested.
Ever since her weird marriage that lasted less than a year and her super quick divorce (that she never talks about – yeah, we all have this problem of not talking about shit, it’s annoying and weird AF) she hasn’t been into any guys for like the last four years.
Rania does go out on dates a lot but it’s just something for her to do. She’s never been interested in a boyfriend. If you ask me, she’s afraid of commitment. Not just to guys but to jobs as well.
‘Shh, don’t be loud,’ Rania said, ‘you guys don’t know him… he’s English.’
Weird. I’d never expect Rania to date an English guy. Her ex was Arab and all the guys she ever thought were cute always looked super Arab. I don’t think anything is wrong with dating an English guy, obviously. I was just surprised cause she looked all shy now. And Rania NEVER talks about how she feels about stuff, unlike me and Dana who are like actual monsters of emotions.
‘And . . . he’s ginger,’ Rania said.
‘OK,’ I said suppressing a smile, ‘those aren’t bad things are they?’
‘I don’t think so, but I can’t be bothered for Dana to make fun of him. You know how she makes fun of everything,’ Rania said, ‘anyway, Spencer is really nice and kind. He has a god job at Apple and he’s like everything a really good guy should be. He’s like one of those guys who is a full on gentleman.’
‘A gentleman?! My oh my! Please Rania your language is making me blush!’ I teased her and she laughed, ‘I think that’s great. Where did you met him?’
‘You know how I was working for that recruiter firm for a while as an account manager, they had some event and he was there and he came up and talked to me. And . . . like a month ago, we became exclusive.’
‘SHH!’ Rania said ‘I don’t want Dana to know.’
‘Why? This is huge news! You have a boyfriend?!’
‘Yeah, I do,’ Rania smiled and went even more red in the face, ‘I just… I even feel bad telling you. Both of you aren’t exactly in the best of places when it comes to guys and relationships and I-I didn’t want to rub it in your faces- especially since, it’s kind of my fault about Cami- I mean you know who.’
Rania’s eyes were brimming. I could tell how stressed she was by bringing this up. I gave her a hug. She who shall not be named, wasn’t only my best friend, but she’s Rania’s cousin.
‘It’s not your fault what happened,’ I told her, ‘you didn’t know.’
‘But we were all out together that night when you stayed home, and I lost them, maybe if I didn’t, it wouldn’t have happened.’
‘Rania, I don’t blame you… after everything I just needed time away from everyone. It was never your fault and I never blamed you and I’m happy you found someone special I really truly am.’
I wasn’t lying. I’ve gone over every detail of that night in my head more than a million times and even though I’m confused about everything else about my life, I know one thing for sure – there is nothing anyone could do to stop two people who want to sleep with each other to sleep with each other.
‘Thanks,’ Rania said wiping a tear quickly and looking around at the drunken hot mess ensuing around us, ‘I really want you to meet him. He’s almost here. I don’t think Dana will notice him, she’s already too busy to notice us.’
I looked over behind Rania and saw Dana with Hisham, Faisal and two other guys all of them taking shots. I’m going to have to keep an eye on Dana today.
Rania told me all about Spencer while we waited for him to show up. It sounded to me that they were more than just exclusive. She sounded like she was fully in love with him. He actually sounds amazing. Rania told me he’s been very patient with her and that he really wants her to spend Christmas with him and his family in London.
‘There he is,’ Rania said waving across the restaurant.
The guy who approached us was tall, with red hair that was neatly cut. He wasn’t bad looking or good-looking, just normal looking and nice. He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, I think, I don’t know. It was hard to notice anything but the big smile on his face and the nervous excited look when he spotted Rania and walked over to us.
‘You must be Sarah,’ he said after he and Rania hugged, ‘Rania has told me so much about you.’
Spencer sat with us and told me about meeting Rania at that event and how special she was (Rania was going so red in the face she almost matched his hair). Then he was asking about me and how I know Rania and asked about my job, my family and said he’d need my advice about present buying when it came to Rania’s birthday next year. He was just so easy to talk to! Rania looked so smitten next to him. It was all so cute I was going to faint. This is the best surprise!
‘Spencer, there you are, what are you doing here – Oh, you. How do you two know each other?’
I couldn’t believe my actual eyes. Towering in front of us like the perfect giant that she was, was Francis Alpha Bitch holding a wine glass. Her hair was, as usual, all long and combed and strawberry blond. She was dressed in a pink and kaki one-piece dress that looked like it was made out of paper.
‘I was just about to message you,’ Spencer said standing up abruptly and giving Francis Alpha Bitch a kiss on the cheek, ‘Rania, Sarah this is my sister, Francis.’
OK . . . going to faint in three, two, one . . . this has turned into the best worst surprise ever.
‘Oh hello,’ Francis Alpha Bitch said looking down at Rania and then looking over at me and tilting her head.
‘You two know each other?’ Spencer said sounding nervous as fuck.
‘We work together,’ I said smiling followed by a huge lie, ‘hey Frances, love your dress.’
‘Thanks,’ Francis said from the back of her nose, ‘are you here for Daniel’s birthday then too? I didn’t realize they invited any of the other trainees other than Rohan who basically forced himself on to us for an invite… bit pathetic really. Anna was invited too, but she and her husband are on a road trip. I didn’t realize that you knew Daniel like that. Actually I had no idea that you knew any of the partners, cause you haven’t actually worked with any of them exclusively, have you?’
WOW. There is so much to unpack from her bitch ass mouth I don’t even know where to start. She’s been here for literally ten seconds and I already feel like donkey shit.
Daniel was D1, one of the senior partners – the one who had no idea who I was in that meeting where they all discussed what a terrible baker I was. Obviously, And I had no idea it was his birthday but its nice to know that not only have all the other trainees worked with the senior partners at some point and I hadn’t, but that they were all invited to his birthday and I wasn’t.
‘No, I’m not invited, we are here with our friends,’ I said pointing to the table behind us.
Francis looked over to see Dana taking another shot and Hisham and Faisal stomping on the table screaming at her to drink and a bunch of girls I’d never seen before spanking her ass.
‘Oh . . . we were wondering where all the noise was coming from,’ Francis said looking shocked and disgusted, ‘anyway Spencer, come, you’re my plus one, I want you to meet some of the other people I work with. Daniel has been dyingto see you. I’ll see you ladies later. It was nice to meet you Rania. I like your bracelets.’
Spencer said he’ll be right back to Rania and then followed Francis to the other side of the restaurant where we couldn’t see him.
‘That’s not . . .’ Rania said her eyes opening up so wide they looked like they were going to fall out, ‘she’s not the one you work with, th-the alpha bitch, the one who is sleeping with D4?’
‘Er . . . yeah that’s her,’ I said as we both sat back down.
‘I knew he was too good to be true!’ Rania said, ‘that’s his sister! That’s the sister he said is like so lovely and amazing, his little sister?? The one he wants me to get to know and be BFFs with over Christmas? The home wrecker?! OHH MY GOD!’
‘Little sister?’ I said, ‘he’s a bit delusional if he thinks there’s anything little about her.’
Rania laughed but then squeezed my arm and moaned.
‘Sarahhhhh, she’s going to hate me I know it!’
‘At least she knew your name and gave you a compliment,’ I said, ‘since I’ve worked with her I don’t think she’s ever even said my name. I’ll be shocked if she remembers it. Did he really say she was amazing? Like are they actually close? I bet he wouldn’t think she was that amazing if he knew that she’s slept with an engaged partner at the office!’
I was excited when Rania started telling me everything Spencer told her about his sister. Maybe I thought, I’d get some more goss about her, like she used to wet her bed until she was sixteen or something.
But I never heard what Rania said. Behind her, across the restaurant I saw Omar, he was walking out of the restaurant and into a hallway. This is a sign, I thought. If I don’t do it now, I’ll never do it. I’m going to talk to him.